Holiday pit...

I am really struggling today. What is it about putting up Christmas decorations that makes me want to crawl into bed and sleep for an eternity. This afternoon we all put the big tree up in the living room. Elise read the chart and sorted branches, Adrienne helped fix the branches and lights and Eliot sat back and told Elise where there were "holes" in the tree. All the while Scott played his new Bob Dylan Christmas album for us and we had to laugh over it. Then we got the little trees out for the kids rooms. They look so cute and Elise was particularly excited to decorate hers. Adrienne helped me pick out the pieces of the village that are going on the mantle this year, and then a great wave of disappointment washed over me. We really didn't have much left, a few snowmen on a couple of shelves and the whole process could have been done. So, why was it too hard to finish, why was there no joy in what I love to do for any other season of the year?

Scott and Adrienne were good about putting the rest of the boxes away until a different day, but why can't I see joy, peace, hope and love in this process. The Christmas story is my absolute favorite story of Christ's life and I don't even want to put the manger up. The kids have agreed that we will do the Advent Conspiracy again this year, giving half of their present to someone in need, so I really don't have any shopping to do. I've already decided that I'm not baking this year, and we tried to have an electrician wire an outlet out front so I could put lights outside, but that didn't work out, so I don't need to stress about hanging lights. The Christmas cards are ready to be addressed and Christmas program rehearsals are going great. So, what is my problem???

I can only answer, "I don't know", and pray that tomorrow is a better day, filled with hope and joy. Maybe, my dream of truly celebrating my Savior's birth with the one's I love, will be fulfilled this year. Maybe, my hope of health and restoration of the one's I love, will be fulfilled this year. Maybe, during this time of waiting, I will find peace.