Finding Hope

I have avoided starting this post many times over the past couple of weeks. But it just doesn't seem right to not talk about it.

The past month has been filled with so much heartache. Lives have been taken much too soon and fountains of tears have been shed.

On Nov. 1st I went to two funerals... one for a suicide of a 17 year old sister to one of Adrienne's friends; the other for a young woman from our church who overdosed on heroine. I watched two mamas say two very different goodbyes to their babies.

Then, on Nov. 16, I got a call from Scott who was touring in Iowa. He said our nephew had committed suicide. I could not believe it. Yet again, I tried to wrap my brain around the why's and how's of death come too soon.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever understand.
There is no rational.
There is no one to blame.
There is no one who could have stopped it.

I don't know how those mamas get up in the morning.
I drive by their houses and wonder if they've started healing yet.

I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself repeating, "Elise is in bed. She's fine. Eliot's in bed. He's fine. Adrienne's fine."
I think twice before I talk to Eliot about his grades.
I make deals with him and demand hugs before he leaves the house.

I think about my other nieces and nephews.
I think about my sister and brother in-laws.
What are they going through? Do they need us?
I think about all the other parents I know who are struggling with their teenagers... with drugs and dropping out of school... will I be going to more funerals?

And then I have to stop
and consciously remember that neither death nor life, 
neither angels nor demons, 
neither the present nor the future, 
nor any powers, 
neither height nor depth, 
nor anything else in all creation, 
will be able to separate us from the love of God.
That is my hope through the storm.
 
What I want for this first week of Advent, is for everyone...
literally everyone... to have hope.
Hope that life will get better.
Hope that someone loves you.
Hope that there is a plan, and you are part of it and that you matter.
Hope that miracles do happen.
I hope that you know you are loved by God.
I hope that you know you are loved by me.